5 Out Of 10 Fucked

I’ve finished revising. The exam is on Friday so I’m at the stage where people realise just how fucked they are before they go to sleep. Then they tell themselves “It’s OK, I’ve nailed the coursework so I don’t need to be that good in the exam”. It’s all lies. In reality, you probably sort of fucked the coursework, but you’re pretending that you didn’t. Denial is a great thing if you can use it like that.

And it gets better, I know a person who revises in a really comfortable way. The principle is that as long as there is a book open in front of you, you are revising. In the meantime you can text people or just watch Netflix (who are we kidding.. Putlocker).

So yeah, I’m pretty fucked for Friday. Not too fucked thought; just pretty fucked. On a scale of 1 to 10 probably a 5. That’s more or less as fucked as going to a job interview in jeans or drinking orange juice after brushing your teeth.

Oooh! Got one more thing that people do. I revise with a friend who moves in sometimes, like today. We go over old papers and do the questions, then we mark them ourselves. This is where the real denial happens. The range of excuses we go through when marking our work. “This is still full marks because they don’t mind arithmetical errors” or “I would get this right in the exam”. With a load-out of just those 2 quotes you can tightly knit the sheets of denial. “The sheets of denial”, what a mother-fucker of a metaphor, I read an article that said you get better at writing when you blog so I guess this proves it. Look at how much you’ve learned on here already. This is basically the Bible…

As I’m writing this post, the friend who moves in and my flatmate are trying to talk to me. Every now and then they say something to me. I sort of don’t hear them. I catch a few words, but I’m too distracted. So I turn around every time and do a smile with “I know what you are talking about” eyes. I realise how rude this is, but I’m writing a blog and I can’t multi-task. Can’t even text anyone right now, wish I could multi-task.

The friend that moves in is a good guy, he helps with the revision. If he wasn’t helping, I would be 7 out of 10 fucked. Maybe 7.5, depends on how much I drink before the exam. For reference “7 out of 10 fucked” is more or less the same level as secretly giving someone the finger behind their back and realising that they are standing in front of a mirror. I was at this level with another flatmate who no longer lives here. I may or may not be the reason for that. Depends on who asks me.

I was going to talk about the friend who moves in, but got distracted by being fucked for the exam. He cooked for us today, which was great because… well… food is great. It was a Korean dish and it was really good. Korean food virginity lost. Loosing a lot of virginities in the last 2 days, loosing this one was more pleasant than the “first post virginity” so I guess I’m on a rise. My friend likes cooking, in fact he loves cooking. Possibly as much as I love eating (I’m not fat though, more of a starved child sort of physique). This is a great set up because he can enjoy cooking and I can enjoy eating what he cooks. He gets to eat some of the stuff he cooks also. Win win situation, however you look at it.

I’m drinking wine as I’m writing this post. It tastes like Hitler and I’ve been trying to finish it since Saturday. Sort of half way done. The people who said that I’m funny also said that I’m even more funny when I’m drunk or high. In the near future, I’ll be trying their theory out. I don’t feel like I’m that funny so there isn’t much of a record to beat for my drunk self. There is another example of denial for you. When I’m drunk, I’m my drunk self so anything I say or do cannot be blamed on me. Rather it is the responsibility of my drunk self. I live a guilt free life and my drunk self emerges now and then to fuck something up for my sober self. At this point this post is probably a little bit better than the Bible…

That’s about it for today. I’m going to try and sleep and realise how fucked I am for Friday.


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