Annoying Objects

Starting posts is easy now. I sort of look around and write about the first thing I see. The post just seems to gain structure as I write. There is a green balloon with me today. I’ve just gotten back to the flat from home. It’s a bit more messy than when I left it, but I don’t really mind. Anyway, there is a balloon here. It’s green and its just awkwardly sitting there like it wants something from me.

It’s a usual thing you see in a kitchen, but this is a student halls kitchen. We probably use this room for parties more than we use it for cooking. That was an extreme exaggeration, but we do have parties here and this balloon is a remainder of one of the parties. I’m not too sure which one. It was most likely a birthday otherwise we wouldn’t commit this much effort to the decoration. Someone had to put their breath inside this thing, and the scary thing is that their breath is still in there. Basically a time capsule of what the “blower” (heheheh immature) had to eat.

This balloon is actually getting in the way of my life right now. You know how some objects are just naturally annoying. For example a key. Its a naturally annoying object. It is there for 2 reasons. Open doors, annoy the fuck out of you. Have you ever thought how much time you waste trying to find the right key. If I didn’t waste as much time and energy on finding the right key to my flat I could have invented something by now. Pretty sure that the reason for Bill Gates’ success. Probably doesn’t open a lot of doors. If I was in the same situation, I would be rich right now also. But sadly there are at least 2 sets of doors I have to get through to even leave my flat. It’s not an easy life, but I didn’t choose it..

Other annoying objects include cans. I remember I was the last one among my peers who learned how to open one. Some tease me about it. I’m still slow to do it. We fail to realise that opening cans is a chronically stressful thing. You have to get your nail under the little metal thing, which can be hard with some cans, and pull it not knowing the exact moment when it will snap the can open. I find it horrible. Some people do it fast, they just go for it. It opens, and they are ready to start drinking the unhealthy fluid inside. That’s not me. I take my time, I always ensure that I have a good grip on the metal thing. I’m scared of breaking my nail or cutting myself. Then I pull it slowly and carefully, with my eyes half shut. I’m scared of the sudden sound it makes. It’s a bit like opening a champagne bottle with a popping cork or stretching a rubber band until it breaks. There is just something fundamentally stressful about these things. It gets worse, since I open cans so slowly, sometimes they don’t work for me. The metal thing just bends or comes off and I stand there looking like a retard. So that’s why cans are an annoying object.

This balloon is one also. I just looked at it and I’m near certain the sucker looked away. It’s dirty too, someone must have spilled something on it. Quite possibly the contents of their stomach.. That’s the way it goes at these parties, someone always spews in the end. A part of me wants to kick it, but it’s so disgusting. It looks like it wants me to move away from it, but I’m very anxious to not let it win. It’s in my flat after all and it’s not even registered as a tenant so I’m in the right.

Just realised I wrote 600 words about a fucking balloon. Feels a bit forced, but I don’t really have those types of standards so it’s fine for me. I’ll just go ahead and post this before I move onto the unsolved Rubics cube on the table in front of me.


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