Today’s topic is Shadow. Pretty buzzing. Shadows are pretty awesome. Just kidding. Who cares. I bet there will be a lot of posts which talk about shadow in a more sort of spiritual sense. That’s just not the way I roll on here. Superheroes don’t get feely and soapy (except for Marvel and DC). And since I’m a superhero, I don’t really get a choice. So in this post we will shine a light on shadow (heheh! Get it? Shine a light..) and find out what it really is. Additionally I will be giving you some pro recommendations about where you can get your own shadow… We all know that this is something that’s becoming more and more fashionable.
Shadow is a Mexican. And before Donald Trump builds a wall, I should say that although shadow is a Mexican, his family comes from Europe. I guess to Donald Trump that makes it an Arab… The first official spotting of the shadow was in 1638 when a famous scientist named Cornelius ate a piece fruit. This fruit had been imported from China and it has the effects of marijuana, except for the fact that it gives people shadows.
Now, before we continue I must say. At the time shadows were far from fashionable. In fact the only people who wore them, were stoners and Chinese people who were addicted to the marijuana fruit. This meant bad news to Cornelius, over the course of 3 months he advanced from the off vodka coke to class A drugs. Before anyone noticed, he hid his shadow in a TV box. Sold it on EBay and spent the money on more heroin. Nobody knows what has happened to the shadow since then. Until the year of 1999 when the shadow emerged from the Grand Cannon. It rode on a Hippo and carried 4 AK47 assault rifles. The shadow conquered and conquered and now we all have one. The times have changed.
Now the market is filled with shadows being sold everywhere and the technology push means that newer shadow versions are invented every day! Most of us get a new shadow every year and the new innovations in the field of micro-biology means that old shadows are now biodegradable and recyclable. Most end up being converted into super smooth toilet paper for rich people and Donald Trump.
Fashion has changed. Now all the cool kids have their own shadows. The coolest of all have 3 or maybe even 4 shadows at once. Unfortunately that’s not a life for everyone. Many people simply cannot afford to have any more than one. Luckily this ends now. As a subscriber of this blog or a follower of any of the social media pages, you are entitled to your own shadow. This is the shadow version 3.5.7 Silky-darkness. It’s special edition too, signed by the author. The shadow sports a modest 6GB of memory and 60Hz refresh rate. This makes the shadow appear like it really is attached to you, instead of you being attached to it. The shadow is waterproofed and comes with rechargeable batteries. For the first 10 people who claim the free shadow I’ll also throw in a piece of the super smooth toilet paper made of recycled shadows. However due to the high cost, you will only receive one square…
Shadows! The Product Of The Future?
Note: The free shadow offer ends approximately 30 seconds after the release of this post. Applicants who do not submit the entire shadow application along with the £100 non-refundable deposit and a chocolate chip cookie will not receive their own shadow…