Sleeping bags are my nemesis. They are my Kryptonite. No matter how good a mood you get in, there is always a sleeping bag that will fuck you up. You are probably nodding your head in agreement. This is because I understand everything and I can write about things that you will relate to. However no matter how much I understand, I will never grasp the secrets of putting a sleeping bag back into its bag thingy.
The whole idea is irrational. The bag thingy, we will refer to it as Jeff for the duration of this post, is too small for the sleeping bag. How the fuck do you put the sleeping bag back in to Jeff. It is impossible.
The reason for this is of course the Saudi Arabian authorities. Saudi Arabia is big on saving space. This is why they make the UN issue official size standards for the size of Jeff. Jeff must be small otherwise Saudi Arabia will fuck us all up. We don’t have much choice here..
The only benefit of Jeff being small is the fact that you can find out a lot about a person by how they put the bag into Jeff. The world is made up of 2 types of people. The cram-in-ers and the roll-up-and-cram-in-ers. I will tell you what you should do. This is what you should do. Get all your friends over. Get them to bring a sleeping bag each. Then get them to put the sleeping bag into it’s Jeff and see how they handle this task.
You will see exactly which of your friends you can trust. You see, the roll-up-and-cram-in-ers are the very worst type of people. The reason for this is because they care about things being in order. They are also usually very successful and good at life in general. This annoys us, the cram-in-ers, because we get jealous. By watching all your friends put away sleeping bags you will be able to tell which of them will be more successful in life. This is useful information because you now know which of them you should marry and suck dry of all money. Not that I’m greedy. I just like the idea of being rich.
People say money cannot buy happiness, but I don’t think that applies to me. If I had a few million, pretty sure I would be happy all the time. Think of what you could do. You could get a swimming pool and put a car inside it. Doesn’t that make the best swimming pool playground? People can sit in it, underwater! You could get yourself a massive frying pan and make a tonne of scrambled egg. You could then put that scrambled egg inside a display case and call it “My scrambled egg”. The possibilities are endless. There is so much happiness hidden inside money. You can throw things at people and pay them to not mind…
Today’s prizes are special. Since I like the idea of having money, for every blog or social media follow, there will be a free million going to the follower. That’s right. If you follow the blog and the social media, you can be 3 million up today! This is not a joke, I will pay you all the moneys and you can put cars into swimming pools.
The money will be sent on a pigeon wearing golden armour. The charge of delivery is between 1 and 3 million depending on how much you win.. Enjoy!