Survival And The Ideal Bedroom Layout

Survival. The practice of staying alive. This is today’s challenge. Survival. The first thing that comes to my mind is Bear Grylls’ The Island. That show they put on now and then. A bunch of very incompetent British people are put on a deserted island for a few weeks. The idea is to watch them survive, but really the whole show is just about watching them argue about the stupidest shit…

The show is a good watch and I recommend it. It’s basically Big Brother except with a little less sex and more dirty clothes. You can’t really complain. There is something satisfying in watching people wrestle crocodiles for food. Especially when you are watching from under a blanket with a tub of ice cream..

Survival in the modern day is a bit easy. Don’t get me wrong, I like it. It’s just not as epic as it used to be. The only thing you really worry about is not getting hit by a car and not overdosing on sugar or alcohol. Occasionally you might have to avoid unhealthy food to prevent your BMI from getting into the “lightly obese” shade of the NHS chart. Everything is given to you. You can buy ready-made meals so you don’t need to cook. You can get food delivered to your house so you don’t need to leave. You can work from home over the internet. So really, the art of survival has come down to just knowing where to click on a website.

You can arrange your home in such way, that your microwave, fridge and laptop are all within reach from bed! That way you are able to survive without getting out of bed at all. Once a week you may have to collect the ready-meals from the delivery man and put them in the fridge. Surviving is really not what it used to be. I wouldn’t know though, I’ve never had to hunt for food. Although, once I was dared to eat a live ant and I did…

What would happen to you if you lived like that? What would happen to your body? It would just keep expanding! You would burn no calories. Imagine how fat you would get after just 2 years! Your bed would morph into your body… Eventually you would fill the room completely. You better hope that your face is near the door so that the once-a-week TESCO delivery man can feed you now and then..

It’s OK though. At some point over your descent into clinical obesity you will no doubt see one of the sidebar adverts. “Loose 50kg in 30 hours!”. They tend to be on “putlocker” and “pirate bay” in case you are looking for one… The chubby, greasy fingers will wrap the already pizza greased mouse and click the add. Boom! Virus downloaded! Before you know it, all your computer work has been deleted. You get fired from your job. That’s it. No more ready-meals for you. No longer got money.. What now?

That’s it, without the ready meals and Dominoes deliveries you cannot possibly sustain your mass…. Dead..

So I guess when you think about it, no matter how fat and lazy you are, you still have to survive.. Even if you live the most risk-less life possible and never leave bed. I hope this shines some wisdom over the dangers of everyday life.. You could be this fat person. Stuck in your bedroom, with no ready-meals.. It’s a dangerous world..

Following this blog and the social media pages grants you immortality and helps to loose weight.. You will be Wolverine.


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