This post will be released on the first day of me not being around. I’m writing it a week in advance. Thanks to my great planning I have landed myself a 2 week trip for which I get paid. If you are wondering how I get paid for going on holiday, the only answer I can give you is “Magic”. Let’s just assume that I am a top-secret spy and I am off to Monaco to intercept a drug dealer and bring him in.
The mission is dangerous and I am not allowed to talk about it. This is why I won’t tell you any more about it. That’s right. It is dangerous. Yes I may wake up dead…
Don’t worry though, your favourite narrator has a whole team. 12 of the best British intelligence agents are going with me. They will protect me, pour me drinks, shake the Martini. They will not stir the Martini though. I’m not a tramp.
In case you are curious. Yes. I do have a double-0 status. I’ve served the MI-10 for the last 20 years. You might wonder how that is possible given that I am 18. The only answer I can give you is that time is not a problem for a real agent. That is why James Bond does a lot of walking and talking.. and drinking. I know him by the way. We’re mates. Though I can’t talk about that..
The drug dealer knows me under the name of “Franco” and we are going to meet at one of the casinos to negotiate the latest import of alcohol into the UK. I know that alcohol is legal. But any time now, it won’t be. You didn’t hear that from me though.
I bet you never expected that from me, but it’s true. I’ve been in the force all along. This blog is not really real either. It’s actually just cover for one of our top-secret technologies. I can’t really talk about that one either.
All I can say about this secret technology is that it solves the problems faced by the British public. “But Franco, what problems?”. The problems faced by people cutting onions. You know how your eyes tear up when you cut onion. With this new technology it is the onion’s eyes that will tear up when you cut it.
It sounds expensive, I know, but it’s a heavily government-funded initiative. The “onionator”, that’s what me and the lads call it, is the reason why we privatised the royal mail. You didn’t hear that from me either.
Actually that’s it, I’m going to have to kill you. I realise that this is not the desirable outcome and I should respect my audience and everything. Sadly, you have heard too much about this top-secret stuff. MI-10 does not have loose ends. That is why we use Velcro shoes instead of shoe laced ones.
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