Humanity’s Most Needy Friend

Dogs are a man’s best friend! That’s right! If you are a woman, you can just fuck right off! This saying doesn’t mention anything about dogs being a woman’s best friend. So hands off! Then again, gender is a social construct anyway. This “best friend” saying is a deceptive piece of propaganda run by the dogs. Here are the real facts about the dogs.

Humans and dogs have been a thing for a long time. On one side of the world, dogs ate humans. On the other, humans ate dogs… Most countries are somewhere in the middle.. Where dogs and humans play a game called “family”.

If you have a dog or know someone who does, you will no doubt be aware of the unique sort of relationship that dogs and their owners have. The dog is very loving, cannot argue with that. However is it a friend? I guess it is, but it’s the sort of friend that follows you around all the fucking time. It is the friend who constantly wants to hang out, have sleep-overs, build forts, go on walks, clean up each others spew, watch you pee etc.

These human-dog relationships are colossal examples of what happens when there are commitment problems. The dog is willing to commit all of its life to you. It wants to watch you pee, sleep, eat, walk, talk, burp, shower, cry, laugh and even do nothing at all. What are you willing to do? All you do is feed it, give it a stroke and tell it what it can’t do…


A dog’s day evolves around you. When you are not home, it waits for you to be home. Then it all begins. The dog will now be your friend. It will want you to stroke it, when that doesn’t happen, it will climb onto you and make whining noises. It will then start licking you. Don’t you see what’s going on?! The dog is your best friend! Why are you not paying attention to it? You should always be paying attention to it!

In the dog-run universe (the dogiverse!), the humans would sit there, looking at the dogs and the dogs would sit opposite the humans, looking back. This is what the daily routine would be in every household. Occasionally, you will give the dog some food or stroke it. In return, the dog will protect you from dangerous beasts suck as cats and other dogs…

So there you have it.. dogs. Humanity’s most needy friend! Notice how the word “humanity” includes all genders. Catch up people! Let’s get with the politically correct vibes from now on..

Follow the blog and social media pages or your dog will hate you.


flickr photo by David Locke1 shared under a Creative Commons (BY) license

flickr photo by ETersigni shared under a Creative Commons (BY) license


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