Perhaps you have struggled to do something in your life? Something you slightly want to do. Maybe is learning how to swim or learning “how to be cool”. Well seek no further, this short internet guide will reveal to you the 5 steps you need to follow to achieve the thing you want. Everyone who knows how to do things has read this guide. The moment you read it, you also will know how to do things. Practice, experience, feedback are ideas from the past. You don’t need them. You just need a guide laid out in simple steps. You need this guide:
- Step 1: Do Nothing. Surprising I know, but who are we kidding? The whole reason why step-by-step guides are addictive is because there is no one to force you to do the steps. No matter what I put here, even if it was the secret of the universe, you will look at it, nod your head in approval, take a mental note of it and forget it forever. This great guide lets you skip those steps and arrive at the same “not bothered” conclusion.
- Step 2: Don’t Forget To Praise Yourself. Look! You’ve done step 1! You are now closer to achieving your goal! At least that’s what we want you to believe. This step is here because the author could only think of 4, but 5 is a nicer number. This step asks you to praise yourself for the progress you make. In fact, it also asks you to praise yourself for the progress you do not make. That’s because the aim of these is to tell you what you want to hear.
- Step 3: Feel Like You Have Done Something. You are half way there! Generally these guides are meant to make you feel like you have done something. They make you feel like you are closer to achieving the goal. That way, you always have access to instant feeling of achievement and most likely will never achieve anything, depending on how many guides you follow.
- Step 4: Be Yourself/Believe In Yourself. There it is! The step that means fuck-all. This one generally includes a very cliché sort of phrase. The sort of phrase that tells you to do something that either makes no sense, or is something that depends on your general attitude towards life and cannot be changed that easily. If you want to follow steps like “Believe in yourself” you will have to redo this guide with “Believing in yourself” in mind. Good luck getting past this step when you do that though.. Bit of a paradox.
- Step 5: Share This Guide With Friends And Family To Help Them Too. A step-by-step guide wouldn’t be a step-by-step guide without some blunt self-promotion! Now that you have achieved nothing, but you feel like you have, you are much more likely to share this. Go for it, share this guide with everyone so they can achieve anything they want also! Actually do. Not kidding. It’s not a choice.
That’s it! Now that you know these 5 steps you can achieve anything you want to. Except for the odd paradox in the guide, you should be OK!
Almost forgot! You need a misquoted and misspelt inspirational quote for this to be a real step-by-step guide:
Choise, not cicrumstance determines ur sucess. – Adolf Hitler
flickr photo by Kiwi Tom https://flickr.com/photos/tom_hall_nz/15613249585 shared under a Creative Commons (BY) license
flickr photo by tinafranklindg https://flickr.com/photos/97481684@N08/14096568717 shared under a Creative Commons (BY) license