What’s the weirdest thing you drink? Knowing the vast amount of weird things that people are in into, there could be some interesting answers. There is one weird answer that people never think off. We consume milk. Cows milk! Who’s idea was this? No other species that I know of, except for hobbits, consumes another animal’s milk.
If I told you to drink a woman’s milk you would freak the fuck out. It’s just not ok, unless the milk is from a cow. Why is that?
The argument people generally have when trying to slag off certain foods or drinks is that it is not natural. If you speak to a raging vegan they will tell you very clearly, that eating meat is not natural. Whether this is true or not is debatable. However, nobody can possibly say that it is natural for a human to drink cow’s milk.
Humans naturally drink water, and juices from fruit. Mostly water. That’s what Adam and Eve must have chugged. At some point throughout our development as a species, we must have discovered that we actually quite like the taste of cow’s milk. How could this happen?
What is the specific sequence of thoughts that would make you milk a cow and drink its milk? For some reason I feel like the milk discoverer must be a dirty, hairy man. He’s wearing leather pants and caries a wooden club. Your classic dirty caveman in his 30s. He’s obviously quite bored. Maybe he’s just been fired from the office or he is having a bit of a “mid life crisis” sort of thing. He’s walking in the local forest and he sees a cow.. The cow looks up at him and whispers “You are the chosen one”. The man stutters “What the fuck?”. The cow runs over and explains”I am the fountain or opportunity”. The man decides that the mushrooms must have been out of date. He is confused.
He looks at the cow and sees that it has breasts. Are they breasts? I don’t know what to call them on a cow.. The milking handles.. The man stumbles, the bad mushrooms are now making him loose balance. He frantically grabs for anything he can. His hands wrap around the milking handles and out come 2 streams of milk. They splash the man’s face! He coughs and coughs fearing the taste of the mysterious liquid.. But to his surprise he actually quite likes it..
And that’s how it started. Over the next few years, he built quite a business around milking cows and before you know it, he was a millionaire. He had all the money and cave-women. He was eternally thankful to the gods of the sun for making him stumble and fall next to a female cow, instead of a male bull… Otherwise the story could have ended a little differently..
And there you have it. A short summary of the invention of milk.
Don’t forget to follow the blog and social media pages. For every follow I get, I will milk 3 cows and send you the milk..
flickr photo by JeepersMedia https://flickr.com/photos/jeepersmedia/17294556256 shared under a Creative Commons (BY) license
flickr photo by Peter O’Connor aka anemoneprojectors https://flickr.com/photos/anemoneprojectors/4983207079 shared under a Creative Commons (BY-SA) license