Everything Is Cancer!

I’ve been reading the first post and a few I wrote after that. I noticed that my style of writing has changed completely. Not sure if this is a good thing… I might be dying… The good news is that I still find myself funny so if you have a problem with the new me, you can just fuck off. Did you see that? Aggressive behaviour. That could be the first sign of my death…

Statistically, if you are reading this, you are a human being. You are also alive… This won’t apply to everyone, but it’s statistically the case. “Alive and human” is the demographic that this blog targets. There is a certain trait that all living humans have. It’s called “not wanting to die”. Generally, people don’t like the idea of being dead. They feel much more comfortable with the idea of being alive.

It is because of those simple facts that medical advice websites are going strong and steady. Your brain has a few instincts that have been there for a long time. One of these is the fact that when our health or well-being is on the line we go absolutely apeshit and assume the worst.

When was the last time you had a headache or a sore stomach? Did you Google it? Don’t shake your head. I know you did. Most people with the same sort of paranoia as me will Google every single spot, ache, feeling, twitch, cramp and lump they come across. If it is not normal and it’s on my body, I’m Googling the absolute fuck out of it.

The internet is great for Googling things about personal stuff. Millions of guides on “meeting girls” or “being successful” or “making money”. That’s not all! The internet is packed full of information about healthcare and well-being. Are you a qualified doctor? If you are then, sorry. We no longer need you. I can just Google all my symptoms and find millions of answers. People will explain to me what is wrong with me and even tell me what medicine to take. Can I trust them? Of course, I can! These guys are “Rank 100” or the health forum. That’s as good as being a qualified doctor!

There is only one downside to all this. It seems that no matter what I Google, I always end up with cancer. Got a sore thumb? It’s cancer, you have 2 weeks. Got a headache? It’s cancer, you have 1 week. Got a cramp? It’s cancer, you will die tomorrow. The optimism of these internet forums makes the refugee crisis seem cheerful. If it hurts, shakes, feels weird, makes funny noises, it most certainly is cancer. If it is a lump, do not even bother asking. It’s cancer. Everything is cancer. These people know for a fact because they are all scientists.


This is who you think sits on those forums…


I can’t help but wonder.. How healthy is being constantly diagnosed with cancer? How long before someone gets hurt after receiving stupid medical advice by some 12-year-old who thinks he knows what a blood cell is?

Follow the blog and social media pages for a free medical consultation from me. You know it is reliable because I am level 200 on this website. If that doesn’t convince you I can make up some official qualifications and send them to you…


flickr photo by FindYourSearch https://flickr.com/photos/findyoursearch/7546440028 shared under a Creative Commons (BY-SA) license

flickr photo by libertygrace0 https://flickr.com/photos/35168673@N03/3726556961 shared under a Creative Commons (BY) license


2 thoughts on “Everything Is Cancer!

  1. Apparently, you are very funny, however, you make a great case against the reliance people have on internet searching symptoms as opposed to bringing the matter to a qualified doctor. Thanks for this post!

    Liked by 1 person

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