Beware Of Birds And Bread People

City. The city is a very special thing. You may think it’s one of those places with a lot of buildings and people, but that’s not true. The amount of buildings in a city doesn’t make it a city. Neither does the number of people. If you don’t know this then you are about to learn some proper serious stuff.

The city does have a lot of buildings and a lot of people. It also has a lot of cars, but those also don’t make it a city. No. A city is a city, because of the copious amounts of birds in it. The type of bird depends on the location of the city, but almost all have pigeons. They are everywhere.

The birds are what defines every city. If you are not dealing with seagulls, you are probably dealing with some other bird type, maybe a pigeon, a crow or a parrot. Believe it or not, these birds are there for a reason. If there were no birds in cities, then the old, weird smelling people would have nothing to give their bread to. Within a matter of weeks, they would start to force feed their old bread to citizens.


Birds performing their duty


We must be thankful to the birds for their service; even though it is not always free…

Here, in Scotland we get seagulls. Seagulls look like painted pigeons after a 12-month bodybuilding programme. These massive, vicious birds are known for killing humans of all shapes and sizes. It’s no longer just kids, they have now started to team up and assault fully grown adults. If you have ever been to the UK, you will know that the people here, tend to struggle with being easier to jump over than walk around. That’s no problem for the seagulls. A well trained and coordinated seagull attack can kidnap even the “fluffiest” of citizens. Nobody is safe. Did you know that a single seagull wing can create an upwards thrust large enough to lift 2 vans? And these things have 2 wings each…

If your city doesn’t have seagulls, you are still in danger. All birds are just as deadly.

Next time you see a bird, make sure to treat it with great respect. The birds and humans in cities have a very brittle relationship. They protect us from the bread people, but at the same time, they kidnap some of us as a payment. If you get birdnapped, don’t fight it. You are taking one for the team.

Follow the blog and social media pages to receive a set of bird weights. They clip around your feet and give you extra weight. This makes it harder for you to be birdnapped.


flickr photo by Matt From London shared under a Creative Commons (BY) license

flickr photo by BOMBMAN shared under a Creative Commons (BY) license


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