You Should Adopt A Scottish Person

Reporting for the UK where we have just had a bit of a shit show. We have had a big fancy referendum about staying in the EU. The masses have voted, the votes were processed by our slightly fucked up voting system and now, the UK will no longer be in the EU! That exclamation mark is there to express shock and horror more than anything else.

There is not much point complaining or writing a post about this. That’s because the votes have already been counted and the decision was made. 3.8% more of the population voted to leave and so we leave.

The vote demographics are pretty interesting to look at. The older people are, the more they want to leave. And since the UK is an ageing population, we have more old people than anything else really. The argument bouncing up and down on social media right now is that a large majority of the “leave” votes were made by English old people. Scotland for example, voted for “remain”, even with our old people. So really, the future of my life has been decided by a bunch of wrinkled tea-sippers in England. On average, they will be dead within the next 15 years. Sounds a bit graphic, but people tend to die pretty soon after they have lived 73 years. People like me, who still have over 50 years to go, will be dealing with the decisions made by the elders, long after they have decomposed. That is unless we get attacked by a mob of old English after I publish this post.

No point in complaining. It’s still called democracy on TV so I guess that must be what it is. Instead, I want to focus on the future. Maybe the UK will find be better off. Maybe I’m standing on a 21st century Titanic. Either way, I’m not too keen to find out in case it is the latter one. This post is my last hope.

Are you and your partner rich? Do you live in a foreign country? Is it a hot foreign country? If you answered “yes” to all 3 of these, you might be an ideal candidate for adopting a young, slightly malnourished and pale human being! That’s right! You can take this human being to your foreign country, pay him for finishing their education and help them get a good, even tan.


Ready for adoption


Here in Scotland, where people sort of like the EU, we have millions of people who would really quite like to be grappled out of this mess. If the leave campaign is right and the UK really will become a country of dreams and miracles, the human being you adopted will go back home and send you bagpipes on a frequent basis. If the remain campaign is right and the UK turns into a bankrupt, underdeveloped wasteland, the human being will just stay in your house and contribute to your family. Deal?

Now, when can I, my friends and my family come over?

Follow the blog for more genius resolutions to political problems…


flickr photo by Ungry Young Man shared under a Creative Commons (BY) license

flickr photo by conner395 shared under a Creative Commons (BY) license


One thought on “You Should Adopt A Scottish Person

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