I was watching a show on Netflix called “Doomsday Bunkers”. The show is about a guy who builds bunkers for rich, crazy Americans. The idea is that the world will end soon, so if you are an American and you have a lot of money, you can build yourself an underground bunker and… that’s it I guess… then you just have it.
Do you believe that the world will end? Do you think it will be a nuclear war or a meteorite strike? Actually no! Those are not important questions. There are 2 main questions. Are you rich enough to splash $500,000 for a buried can? Are you bored with your life? If you answer “yes” to both, then you might just be the right person for a bunker!
The bunkers are generally made of steel, they are buried a few meters under the ground and have several air vents. That’s right. Air vents. Don’t worry! A few meters of loose soil and direct ventilation will protect you from the radioactive air, planetary explosions, meteorite strikes, solar flares, ISIS invasions (very common these days), intelligence and of course, the black people.
It gets better too! All of the listed disasters will render the surface “officially fucked” for at least a hundred years! What will you eat?! No worry. The bunkers come with a storage room capable of holding up to 6 months of food. This means that even if you are not cooked alive or poisoned inside your steel can, you will die a slow death due to starvation. It’s a win, win scenario. The people who make bunkers make money and the people who buy bunkers think they are “protecting themselves”. At the end of the day, nothing has changed except for the bank balances of both parties.
So as you can see the bunkers are definitely worth your money! There is nothing stupid in stockpiling 6 months of food in case you need it. It’s not like 2000km South of you, people are starving… I’m not an example to be followed when it comes to charity, but I’m not sure if I would be comfortable stocking up on food for no reason. I don’t know, maybe I’m thinking too much. I would be all for getting a bunker if I thought less, or not at all.
The bunkers are great for self-defense. That’s right! The bunker people are Americans! This means guns! There is a reason for that. They need the guns for protection. Otherwise, ISIS, ghetto people… you name it. The guns are there to prevent things like 9/11 from repeating… No, wait… They are there to give the police an excuse to shoot black people. Well, if you are a fellow American gun fanatic, the bunkers provide great “protection”. One of the customers had spike traps and flamethrowers installed at the entrance to the bunker… for protection. These awesome booby traps are guaranteed to kill any invader… or just a member of public wondering where the stairs go…
flickr photo by SGPhotography77 https://flickr.com/photos/guzzphoto/13683103524 shared under a Creative Commons (BY-ND) license
flickr photo by tiefkuehlfan https://flickr.com/photos/96401256@N02/9731256478 shared under a Creative Commons (BY-SA) license