Confused By My Owner

Confused. Feels like I should talk about something confusing. Something that confuses me. What am I confused by? Hmm. Right! This is a bit of long shot, but here we go. Cats. I happen to live in a house owned by a cat. In a neighbourhood full of other houses owned by other cats. Watching these cat’s interact is like witnessing the absolute master of passive-aggressivism (90% sure that’s not a word)…

Before we get into me chatting shit, let me give you a bit of a setting. So my houses garden is positioned right next to the neighbour’s garden. The two are separated by a metre high wooden face. The human inhabitants consider this a serious obstacle. Don’t get me wrong! I could get over this fence, but I would probably be out of breath on the other side. However, the cats jump over it as if it was nothing. No wonder humans are inferior…

The neighbouring house is owned by a male cat; similar in size to the female owner of my house. The 2 have developed a very interesting and strange relationship. I guess in a way they are friends. Before you jump to conclusions, no! They don’t fuck. It’s not like that… I think…


Cats own houses and they know it…


The male cat jumps over the fence onto my owner’s garden. My owner then steps out into the garden to meet him. This initiates the interaction. The 2 sit there completely still and stare at each other. The staring contest ends when my owner sprints right at the neighbouring cat. The neighbouring cat then runs away back to its garden. This is not the end! My cat remains in the garden. It looks away for a few minutes. During these few minutes, the intruder returns. This time, however, my cat pretends to not see him until he gets a bit closer. Then the cycle repeats. And it goes on and on.

They do this every day of every week of every fucking month. At first, we thought it was a territory war, but I feel like my owner likes it because she always lets him enter the garden and creep in close to her. It’s all very confusing.

That leaves flirting. It must be flirting! But it’s been a few months now! Either the male cat is an absolute beast when it comes to “long game”, or the two are just not quite ready for a committed relationship.

I’m sure sooner or later they will get together, though. I will be forced out of my bedroom and they will claim it for themselves. They will probably demolish that fence and build an extension joining their houses together. As for the human inhabitants, I don’t really know. I fear that they will force me out of my bedroom. Hopefully, they won’t keep me up at night too much. At the end of the day, it’s not really up to me…

I’m just a powerless and confused human… catfused!


flickr photo by Tambako the Jaguar shared under a Creative Commons (BY-ND) license

flickr photo by AngelGirl Ragdolls shared under a Creative Commons (BY) license


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