How many times a week do you get in those little disagreements with someone you know? We’re talking about the very serious fights that happen over things you can’t change or control. It always comes down to a disagreement over some fact and you can’t prove the other side wrong! This is when you pull out the secret weapon. That’s right! Your lifeline. The only thing that could settle this and result in a sweet victory…
You reach into your right pocket. Hopefully, it’s the right pocket. If it’s your left pocket then you might have a rare infection called indigo haluncierenosis. You should see your doctor immediately.
Anyway, you reach into your right pocket and pull out your phone. Before you jump to conclusions, the weapon it’s not your phone! Stupid! The weapon is Google!
Without the internet there would be no way to settle those small disputes and people would just keep arguing! Forever!
How did things work back then? People must have just had some strange ability that allowed them to agree to disagree.
That’s not all. You couldn’t check the weather, train times, events, social media, YouTube, email. You couldn’t find anything out!
Makes you wonder how long you could survive in a world without the internet. I’ve been thinking and in my current state of digital addiction, I would probably have about 48 minutes before I started foaming at the mouth. Certainly would be dead after 52 minutes.
To be perfectly honest this could happen in our lifetime. The internet could disappear so easily. It’s simple! You know how you keep finding out that some everyday things have the same effect on the brain as really strong drugs. The articles always seem to come from really strange sources. For example, you could almost expect to find an article on vegansupremacy.com telling you that eating meat is the same as shooting up heroin.
Well, sooner or later, someone is going to write an article that compares the internet to drugs and before you know it, the internet becomes banned. You now have to contact your dealer to score some web. In constant fear of prosecution where will people turn for their knowledge?
Fortunately, you’re reading my blog so you will be saved! Introducing my new business called “The place you can call when you want to find something out”. This is essentially a call centre. It will sit here and wait until the Amish (or some group like that) compares the internet to heroin. At that point, TPYCCWYWTFSO will become people’s main source of information. You just phone up. I answer. You just ask me a question and cite your credit card details. I make sure the details check out and then I answer your question! Your arguments will instantly be settled and while most friendships will perish within weeks, yours will blossom!
How will I answer it you ask? Simple, I will just start to read about things now. In a few years, when the Amish fuck us, I’ll know everything.
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