I’ve started going to a sauna. Apparently, it’s good for you and relaxing and great and it cures everything and makes you happy and it’s therapeutic and everyone loves and you need it to be happy. I have to say, I like it. It does chill me out and I can’t stop myself going back. To top it all up there is the beautiful social dynamic inside of this room…
Now if you don’t really care about detox and you’re already a relaxed person, you probably don’t see the reason why you should pay to sit in a sweaty box. If this is the case then this post will change you.
The actual sauna is half the experience. The other half is the people in it. There are 3 types:
The Chatters – I have to say that when placed in a small box at the temperature of 95 degrees Celsius. I get a little slowed down and anti-social. That’s just me. There are people who feel an obligation to chat inside there. This usually happens when you’re at the last 4 minutes. This is the most critical time! You start consciously trying to not pass the fuck out and wonder how long it would take for someone to save you if you did. Suddenly the door opens and you have a little internal orgasm as a hint of the cold air outside hits you. A guy walks in and smiles at you. This is the part when you know you’re fucked. The last 4 minutes will be spent in the usual agony of the heat, except instead of enduring it in silence you now have to make small talk about the fucking weather.
It get’s worse because these people are still in there when you go back in for another round. This time, they will recognise you like you’re an old friend. It’s not going to just be the weather now. No. You’ll have to talk about the fucking Brexit this time.
The Noobs – These are the people who are still discovering the amazing sauna magic. They are the ones who innocently don’t fit in. I’m not a sauna expert, but I’m experienced enough to see those who aren’t. They walk in and squirm at the heat. They keep walking out and returning after a cold shower. They lust after your water bottle because they didn’t bring one. Got to love the noobs really. It’s like watching a puppy discover snow for the first time.
The Nakeds – These guys are the pros. I’m not sensitive about my size down there or anything. I just prefer to not be naked in a sauna. Something about having my ass cheeks on the same planks other people have had their ass cheeks on really turns me off. The nakeds seem to be more experienced. They tend to have more muscle which is where their self-confidence comes from. I’m usually intimidated by them a little. Another thing that gets me is the thought that their penis sweat is evaporating and parts of it end up in my lungs… eugh!
That’s it! If these 3 types of people and the way they interact doesn’t excite you then you must be mad. I find it fascinating. And if you’re wondering which category I fit in, it’s probably a more advanced version of “the noobs”. Maybe with one foot in the chatters… sometimes I like to be a cruel little fuck.
flickr photo by keko. https://flickr.com/photos/k3k0/199402162 shared under a Creative Commons (BY) license
flickr photo by danorth1 https://flickr.com/photos/danorth1/16226024850 shared under a Creative Commons (BY-ND) license