Why People Never Bring Up Changing Rooms

Male changing rooms! This is sort of a follow up on the sauna post. I’ve spent a considerable amount of my life in those rooms. We never really talk about changing rooms that much, it’s one of those topics that just doesn’t come up in everyday life. Maybe changing rooms are just not that exciting. We’re about to change that…

I was never the talkative type in changing rooms. They weren’t my turf. Those areas were controlled by the muscular types. The stupid, but fit, people. The ones who sacrificed homework for a workout sesh. I, however, was always decent at sports but never made any teams.

That’s a lie! I was good enough for the teams. I was good at sport, but I was even better at being lazy and not giving a shit about the teams. I did that instead.

I had sporting potential. I probably still do. I just never enjoyed it enough to take advantage of that.

Even now, people ask me if I saw the Olympics. To be honest, I watched sport on TV like 4 times. Each of those times was because my friends were watching. If they vanished or were abducted by aliens, I would switch to something like How I Met Your Mother. Of course, if they were abducted by aliens I would turn it off and try to help them… the friends not the aliens.

My turf was the maths and physics classrooms. That’s the area where I held the crown and felt superior to the muscle dum-dums. I wasn’t a mean ruler, but I was just and my claim to the throne was not to be challenged.

That was school times. Today changing rooms are different…

Nobody knows each other now. It’s silent. Everyone is minding their own business. There are no jokes, no stealing shoes or talking about the girls. Silence.

2402863481_0c7a1eb650
The tiles inside changing rooms reflect the silence back at you…

It’s not the good type of silence either. It’s an awkward, overpowering and tense silence. Everyone is pretending to not see the other people, at the same time trying to not get in anyone’s way.

Even though some people are clearly physically superior to everyone else, they no longer have the crown. They change in as much silence as everyone else. The only noise made is the TV that hangs on one of the walls. It’s always playing music videos with provocatively dressed females. As if to trigger the weaker dudes into having a bit of an awkward situation down there, in front of everyone else.

Everyone pretends to not be watching the females, but an expert people-watcher (me) knows that all the brains in the room are thinking about that TV… everybody is just very discreet about it… sneaking in one gaze at a time…

Now we know why nobody talks about changing rooms! It’s a boring as fuck topic and it makes boring posts! Eurgh!

Images:

flickr photo by pasukaru76 https://flickr.com/photos/pasukaru76/8423186196 shared under a Creative Commons (CC0) license

flickr photo by Susan NYC https://flickr.com/photos/en321/2402863481 shared under a Creative Commons (BY) license

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