How To Ace Application Forms

So I’ve been doing some more job applications today and I’ve just reached the peak of what the human mind can endure before it goes on a killing rampage. I’ve recently written a post where I complained about the stupidity of job interviews. Now I just want to do some expression to do with the application forms.

Someone somewhere makes fat stacks for making these “reliable application forms”. These things are designed to reveal your strengths and assess if you are good for the job. The problem is that people are deceptive fucks and they will lie their ass off to get hired. That’s what I’ve been doing all morning.

I’m a student so I don’t have a lot of experience, qualifications and I’m applying for the dirt cheap part-time jobs. Obviously, I’m doing it for the money. No, I don’t give a shit about gaining experience that much. A quick way to tell is to ask myself if I would be applying for these jobs if I wouldn’t get paid for them. I wouldn’t.

So the jobs are pretty low standard and I’m applying to every place I can think off. This means that I have to fill out numerous application forms and this is where shit just takes off.

Every single shitty job, at every single place, has an application form that asks you, “Why do you want to work here?”. This would make sense if I was a qualified engineer applying for a job at Rolls-Royce. But I’m not applying to Rolls Royce. I’m applying for a bar job at the cheapest bar in the city. It has a reputation for smelling like baby sick and people complain that the glasses don’t get washed. Obviously, I don’t want to work there!

14110060693_e2e54aef56
“Do you want to work here?”, “Fuck no!”, *tics yes*

My completely honest answer would be that I need money and I’m desperate for any job I can get. I can’t put that! Oh no! That would be unprofessional. Besides, I’m competing with all the other smug fucks who are going to reach deep into their ass and pull out some story about how the place means a lot to them and how it’s renowned for great customer service and how it’s a great place to work.

I know that the world is a pretty happy place employment wise. We have the “minimum wage”, workers don’t get abused as much as they used to and people with disabilities can get jobs as easily as everyone else. However, the price to pay for all this is having to prostitute and disrespect yourself by lying straight through your teeth to please whoever reads these things.

How great would it be, if we all just started being honest on these forms. I’ve sent out 50 of these things covered in lies and got 3 interviews. From those 3, 1 has already turned me down. Maybe it’s time to send out 50 honest forms and see how far that gets me…

Rant over… back to filling out application forms.

Images:

flickr photo by Waponi https://flickr.com/photos/waponigirl/5621810815 shared under a Creative Commons (BY) license

flickr photo by flazingo_photos https://flickr.com/photos/124247024@N07/14110060693 shared under a Creative Commons (BY-SA) license

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