What Even Is Tomato?

I was reading a post about roasted vegetables the other day… That’s when I was hit with a certain existential problem:

The tomato. It’s not a vegetable. It’s a fruit. Yet, nobody actually uses it as a fruit, do they? Well. Today we will solve this injustice once and for all. The tomato’s place in the food categories needs to be reconsidered…

Who decided that the tomato is a fruit? Now in my case, it was my nursery teacher who first shocked me with this fact… However, I know that my nursery teacher didn’t convince everyone else. This leads me to conclude that my nursery teacher must be a member of some mysterious group that aims to mislead the whole world… What’s in it for them? I guess time will tell.

Is the tomato a fruit?

Despite what we are led to believe, I have yet to see tomato feature in a fruit salad. I have also never seen other fruit be used to make a sauce for pasta or rice. My only conclusion is that tomato cannot be a fruit. Meme busted!

Is the tomato a vegetable?

Officially it isn’t. The tomato, like all other “true fruit”, is developed from the ovary of the plant and contains seeds. This means that scientifically it cannot be a vegetable. But you all already knew that.

What is it then?

Good question. We clearly pretend that it’s a vegetable, but it’s not. If it’s not a fruit either then what the fuck is it?

How have we let the tomato infiltrate almost all cuisines without us knowing what it really is?! Who’s idea was this?!

Fortunately, we know what the tomato isn’t. It’s not a fruit or vegetable. But it’s also not a mushroom because too many people like it. It’s not a green like spinach because it’s not green. It’s not a herb because it doesn’t really smell as strongly as other herbs do… The process of elimination goes on…

It’s not Harison Ford because it has no hair.

It’s also not Nelson Mandela, Bob Marley, Snoop Dogg.

We know it’s not an animal, so it can not be meat. I figured that it could be fish, but a quick test in water proved that the tomato is as energetic in water as it is on land.

Inside view of the tomato… Notice the lack of a nose.

The answer is not easy… We will have to approach the problem differently… Let’s look at some characteristics of the tomato and decide what it could be.

The tomato has no hair. It’s red. It’s mushy on the inside. It has a hard and tough skin. It’s mostly water. It’s great for hangovers. It doesn’t show a lot of emotions. It doesn’t talk much. The tomato never forgets to put the toilet seat down and it always flushes. Additionally, the tomato has no gender…

Now we have it! The answer is obvious. It could only be one thing at this point! That’s right you guessed it…

The tomato is Hillary Clinton.


flickr photo by tony_the_bald_eagle https://flickr.com/photos/42371658@N00/6651401121 shared under a Creative Commons (BY-ND) license

flickr photo by DeSegura89 https://flickr.com/photos/77568040@N08/8483070549 shared under a Creative Commons (BY) license


14 thoughts on “What Even Is Tomato?

  1. Dude, don’t read posts about people roasting my kind. It hurts. Right in the feels. Btw, you got amazing deduction skills. Don’t know about the tomato, but perhaps you are a Sherlock Holmes?

    Liked by 1 person

    • Naturally the reason why I read the post was because I feared for you becoming a victim of such cruelty 😀

      As for the Sherlock Holmes thing, you might be onto something. A few days ago I heard someone walk around my flat and I was able to narrow it down to 3 people… You might be wondering how I did it… See the secret to solving the mystery was finding out who I live with…

      Impressive, I know ;D

      Liked by 1 person

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