The Best Feeling On Earth

Some things feel good. Watching others fall over feels good. Eating feels good. Sleeping seems like it would feel good also. Sex feels good (does it? Nah, just kidding… or am I?). Though all those things feel good to some extent. There is one thing that feels better than all of these combined… Today I want to dedicate a post to this activity…

Q-tips. These simple devices appear fairly insignificant in our day-to-day lives. Well. Sometimes things are not what they seem. The Q-tip is actually the main ingredient in this heavenly action.

By now, the people who secretly perform this ritual are already aware of what the Q-tip can be used for… Their hands are shaking with excitement and anticipation. They start to sweat and their pupils dilate. Desperately, they look around themselves to find a Q-tip… They start considering whether it would maybe be worth going to a shop and buying some. Maybe they could ask their friend for one? It’s a weird thing to ask for, but there is a chance the Q-tip could be a question away.

If you don’t know what the Q-tip can be used for, I will give you a hint. You stick it in one of the openings. I’ll leave it up to you to find out which opening is best…

No, actually that would be cruel. People would go and experiment. I would be held liable for the idiots who stuck it in places where you shouldn’t stick Q-tips…. like the eyes… or the nose… or the arsehole.

The opening you want to aim for is your… ear! You use them for cleaning your ears! Of course, if you miss and end up in the arsehole, I completely tolerate that.

Behold man’s best friend!

I accept that it’s bad advice to give. You are not supposed to clean your ears with these because Q-tips can push wax deeper into the ear. While that’s a perfectly valid excuse to not get involved, you are faced with a trade-off. You can not use the Q-tip but know that your ears are happier. Alternatively, you can use the Q-tip and risk the wax danger…

The right choice you ask? Simple! The right choice is to shove that Q-tip as deep in there as possible! See, we are not talking about some mediocre pleasure like enjoying the best meal ever cooked or waking up and finding out that all the lectures have been cancelled. This is not some simple pleasure like finding a high-value note in the pocket of your winter jacket or your friend letting you finish their pizza after they’ve only had 1 slice.

What we are talking about here is the eargasm and the truth is that no positive feeling of this magnitude can come without certain risks attached… The ear wax thing is a risk. It’s a wager… But to be perfectly honest with you, once you get the Q-tip right in there, you will see how worth it all was…


flickr photo by PinkMoose shared under a Creative Commons (BY) license

flickr photo by willc2 shared under a Creative Commons (BY-SA) license


2 thoughts on “The Best Feeling On Earth

    • Hmm. While both are quite enjoyable I would have to say doing it yourself 😀

      That way you have control over where specifically you clean. Additionally there is no fear of the person cleaning your ear slipping and stabbing the Q-tip into your brain… So yeah… there is that…

      Then again getting your ears cleaned by someone else means you don’t have to worry about doing it yourself. My laziness is very intrigued by this idea…

      I guess you should just get someone to clean one ear while you do the other! Best of both worlds!


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