The Into Bed Transmission

Sometimes, I get in a mood to write something… Today is that day. Though you won’t read this today. You’ll read it at some point later on. Last blog post generated more than 20 times my usual views so I’m just going to live off that high before I use my brain to scare people off again 😛

It has to be said that I am a 2 state being. Just like computers are 2 state machines, I’m either a 1 or a 0. The 2 states I have are as follows. In bed and not in bed. The differences between the 2 are humongous and I alternate at least twice a day.

I’ve been paying attention to the 2 states and I’ve recently started noticing some interesting things.

The state transmission is not an easy process. I struggle to go to bed and I struggle to get out.

Getting into bed is generally just down to being a little too interested in things like YouTube and not wanting to think about nothing for 10 hours. Can’t really be surprised about this…

It sounds pretty standard. However, if my smartphone didn’t have an internet connection and I couldn’t watch things in bed, you’d be dealing with a clinical insomniac.

You see, the way I get into bed relies completely on treachery. I tell myself, “You can still do things! Just do them in bed!”. This motivates me to get into bed. Once I’ve gotten myself into bed thinking that I can watch videos all night, I shut the trap. I never reveal to my gullible being that I will purposefully pick a video that is boring as fuck. That way I only watch one in the bed before I decide that it’s time to think about nothing. This happens most nights.

Another method of getting into bed is to get disgustingly drunk. I’ve noticed that going out to a party and getting “Cunted” (quote) means I magically wake up in bed the next morning. It’s always my bed too! Pretty great really because I never remember the walk home. This leads me to think that the walk never happens. I just take a shot and it transports me into bed, the next morning. A bit like the “beam” in Star Trek. I have no doubt that the early versions of the Star Trek “beam” worked using the very same “shot technology”.

The “bed beam”

Feel like it’s safe to say that as a 2 state machine, I have not been manufactured with an automatic transmission system. It’s very much manual. Maybe a little too manual.

Tune in next time when I discuss the other transmission type. From “in bed” to “not in bed”. That is assuming that I manage to pull this transmission off tomorrow. If not, I’ll be stuck in my bed for the rest of my life. As morbid as this might sound to the types of people who get up at 6 because they want to, I would actually enjoy being stuck in bed for a few days.


flickr photo by wjklos shared under a Creative Commons (BY) license

flickr photo by SBSTNC shared under a Creative Commons (BY) license


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