Victim Of Shopping Rape

My family took me shopping on boxing day… The experience was difficult, but no matter how close I got to a nervous breakdown, I was able to endure… They bought me 3 shirts, a pair of jeans and a pair of shoes… It sounds like a lot, but I hate buying clothes myself… so I don’t. I can confidently tell you that the next time I go shopping will be this time next year… when they force me again. It’s actually classified as shopping rape.

Something about the act of shopping just never seemed to interest me. I feel like a 70-year-old at a rave. It just doesn’t happen. I don’t see the point. I don’t see the need.

The world is split into people who buy and people who do not buy. The groups don’t understand each other very well and this is why people like Trump get elected… (don’t question it).

Being a member of the latter group I cannot comprehend why the act of going to a shop and buying a few bags of clothes will make me feel better. It doesn’t feel recreational, feels like a day of fucking physical labour. Now that I think about it, maybe we should force people to shop to target the rising obesity of the population. It sounds much more polite than when people say “make them run!”. You carry at least 10kg in the bags by the end of the day… I know this to be the case because I once saw someone drop a shopping bag and it made a very heavy “thud”… Science!

I cannot understand the purpose of shopping, but perhaps I can explain why I don’t…

Well when you think about it, you only really wear one pair of trousers at a time… If you can only wear one pair then the other pairs are not being worn at any given point in time… As a student engineer, I can tell you that this is inefficient… You should, therefore, have somewhere between 2 and 4 pairs of trousers (different occasions)… Once you have 3 pairs of trousers, all problems of style get to fuck… You just buy a few shirts that work with the trousers… You’ll also need a pair of shoes. Some underwear and there you go…

One piece of clothing can easily be worn for at least 6 months before it gets broken ripped or something. I happen to have a couple more articles of clothing than mentioned in the example so if something gets ripped I need not worry because I generally still have clothes to wear. No need to frantically pillage TKmax once a week… And so I find myself only going shopping when forced by my family.

Behold the monster

People talk about being fashionable and stuff, but I don’t actually think fashion is a thing. Feels more like a buzz phrase, like “make America great again”. I watched reliable scientific documentaries like Zoolander and Zoolander 2, but I remain unconvinced.

Tune in next year for another post about shopping… in the meantime, I’ll just pretend that it’s not a thing.


“Shopping” flickr photo by Moyan_Brenn shared under a Creative Commons (BY) license

“shopping” flickr photo by dear.God shared under a Creative Commons (BY-ND) license


2 thoughts on “Victim Of Shopping Rape

  1. This seems to be my 19yo son’s philosophy as well, though I think he gets by on only 2 pair of very broken in jeans and about 5 favorite tee-shirts. His philosophy expands to if you can’t buy it on Amazon, why bother? Enjoyed your post. I wish you a shopping-free 2017. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hahah, it must just be a late teen thing. Being 18 I could see myself in your son’s shoes 😀 His philosophy sounds reasonable… might adapt to it myself.

      Thank you for sharing. Have a great 2017 yourself 😀

      Liked by 1 person

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