Some lizards have long tongues. The long tongues are used for shooting ahead of themselves and catching bugs mid air… I’ve been thinking about this lately and I’ve decided that I would like to have one of those tongues.
I don’t eat bugs, but my long tongue would be used for different things. For example I could use it steal food from people’s plates. At dinner parties or communal meals, I would never need to ask someone to pass me anything, I’d just shoot the tongue and get it for myself.
A self sustainable life is what we are talking about here. There is more. You could use the tongue for self defence. At point blank range, I could shoot that thing with serious speed. With enough practice it would be like a bullet…
You might have never thought of having a tongue like that, but I bet now that we are talking about it, you’d take it if someone offered.
Another thing I’d like to take from lizards is their eyes. Some lizards do not have to syncronise their eyes. So one eye can look in one direction while the other looks somewhere else. I know that some people can do that with their eyes, but it’s not considered good for you and you can’t actually see much. You’re just not designed that way. I wish we could do it and still be able to see everything really well…
What else do I want?
I want my body to be covered with tiny little hairs so that I can cilmb things. A bit like spiderman. I could walk on walls and be upside down and if I held someone’s arm only I could let go. That last one got a little creepy… but yeah, I want velcro skin.
I don’t really do a lot of climbing on a daily basis so I don’t actually need the hairs. But now that we are talking about needs, I don’t need my tongue or my eyes either… It would just be good to have them if you get what I mean.
The downside of having these things is that you’d be a “weirdo”. The thing is you’d be a “weirdo” if you had just one of the super powers. If you’re going to be one anyway, might aswell get everything you want.
Following that thought, I also want claws, wings, a shell, the ability to digest grass and I want to be agile like a cat…
Am I going to get those things? No. I’m not. See! You can’t always get what you want…
Anyway, this post was meant to tell you how cool animals are so you all go vegan. Go vegan!
I’m just kidding, I don’t actually know what this post was meant to do… Fuck me I’m bored.
“Chameleons” flickr photo by Speaker resources https://flickr.com/photos/thespeakernews/15606359162 shared under a Creative Commons (BY) license
“Chameleon’s eye” flickr photo by kaibara87 https://flickr.com/photos/kaibara/3845407728 shared under a Creative Commons (BY) license