The Run To Reality

Some time ago, I talked about wanting to go for a run… Well, yesterday I did. It was horrible… but I sort of liked it. In a weird, self-abusive sort of way, it was “ok”.

Not too long ago, I was fit. I could run a lot. I did several hours of moving a week and life was good.

Then things went downhill… I can’t really say what caused the decline, but it happened and exercise was slowly evicted from my life… I remember thinking that all the exercise I do is walking to lectures, but then I got a push scooter… Now all I do is standing. Still, counts. right?

Sadly no matter how strong your powers of denial are, you won’t manage to convince yourself that standing is exercise. Trust me. I’ve tried. It wouldn’t have mattered. A few weeks ago I had stopped going to lectures anyway.

So I went for a run… I felt pretty good. For the first few minutes I thought that all this chat about looking fitness is just bull shit. It totally wasn’t. See the first few minutes are easy. My body hadn’t fully realised what was happening. It probably thought I was just climbing some stairs or chasing a bus… But something wasn’t right. The body knew I don’t usually climb stairs for this long… My body looked at its internal clock and saw that it was the 6th of January. That’s when it started putting the dots together…

“Oh fuck! He’s trying to get fit!”. The body realised what was happening. And that’s precisely the moment I realised that when people equip a smug face and say, “You loose fitness twice as fast as you gain it”, they are being serious.


Not actually me, but surprisingly very pretty close…


The satisfaction turned into suffocation and pleasure into pain. My feet hadn’t moved that fast for months! Then things got even worse.

Mouth got dry, but I had made it a considerable short distance from home and couldn’t go back. Saliva turned into a thick, sticky goo. I also thought I was tasting blood, but decided that I was being an idiot.

After my lungs started hurting, I decided that my shoe laces were loose. You’d say that they were fine, but that’s actually a very debatable opinion. From where I was looking, they were loose. This forced me to stop running and tie them. The thing is the first time I retied them, the loops a were a little small for my liking. Running is a high injury risk sport and there was something very unsafe about those loops… This meant I had to undo and tie the laces again… and again… and again… I did this until I caught my breath the loops were no longer a hazard to my health. After that I ran straight home.

So yeah, bit of a disaster. The good news is that I went out again today and things went much better…

Conclusion: Alcohol, Clubs and Chips and Curry Sauce do not make you fit. They make you into a fat mess. I’m a bit of a fat mess.


“Run” flickr photo by Hernan Piñera shared under a Creative Commons (BY-SA) license

“fat urn” flickr photo by martin.mutch shared under a Creative Commons (BY) license


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