The Dawn Of Pockets

Here at Apparently I’m Funny we like to save words… When I say “we”, this really means just me. There is nobody else here… When I say “save words”, I mean increasing word efficiency.The previous post of this nature was all about saving time by expressing dates. The last post was very good, but now it’s time to up the ante… Today’s shit… is some good shit…

This came to me as I was travelling recently and I’d be unlucky to only win one Nobel prize once this idea takes on… Just a side note: “travelling” should definitely not have 2 “l”s, someone better change that soon. It just has to change.

The thought started with gloves. Gloves… We put our hands in gloves to keep them warm. Where else do we put our hands to keep them warm? *(Suppresses several dirty thoughts at once)*

That’s right! We put them in our pockets! The conclusion is simple! Gloves are just external pockets! They are pockets that are not attached to our trousers. With no further delay, the word “glove” should be banned. We can replace it with “external pockets”.

The nay-sayers will say that “2 words is more than one”. Well, that may be so… if you are close minded!

Look “externalpockets”. There! It’s one word now! happy? Now fuck off! This is a place for the open minded…

The thing is, the more I think about it, hats are also pockets. Even though we do not put our heads in pockets, the principle is the same. Introducing “headpockets”. Now, goggles are “eyepockets” and socks are “footpockets”. Simple….

See the problem with English is really the fact that the word “pocket” has only one meaning, while other words have many… like… “glass”. What needs to start happening, is we need to start getting rid of double meanings for words and assigning all the meanings to pocket. A glass is pretty much just a pocket.

If you need further evidence think of a bag. A bag has a “main pocket” and generally several “side pockets”… So really a bag can just be “pockets”. Sorted.

Additional efficiency improvements are welcome in the comments.




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