Be A Tree

It’s been a little while. I would excuse my lack of content generation because due to the fact that I’ve been busy. Secretly though, my reasons are simply that I’ve given up on the world and I’ve decided to become a tree. Once one becomes a tree everything is simple. There is no worrying about politics or Trump there is no Brexit or ISIS. You only worry about global warming. Though I guess if you are a tree, you are already doing everything you can to help. Thank You.

I’ve been pretty successful in some parts of my tree transition. I now spend lots of time in the library. If you saw me you’d think I’m doing my course stuff, but really I’m just busy not being in my flat. If you aim to become a tree you cannot spend a lot of time in your flat. Trees don’t have flats and so neither should you… You’ll want to find a place where it is safe to spend extended periods of time so that you are not in your home. Return to home only when necessary.

Now, I know. You could get all salty with me and tell me that trees don’t write. That’s a valid point. The problem is that for some reason I now receive several Facebook likes a day from India. I don’t know what’s going on over there, but they like my stuff. I simply couldn’t just patch my new Indian friends and so I simply have to post.

Back on topic, trees don’t move a lot so if you wish to become one you’ll need to move slower than you currently do. I saw a man in a local park a few days ago. Dude must have been mentally disabled or something because he was on a slow stroll. People don’t take slow strolls. They walk fast with a lot of purpose and determination because even on a relaxing walk, they are knees deep in worry about what needs to be done. This guy didn’t give a shit though. He was out for a day of slow walking. That’s when I decided I want to take it a step further and not walk at all by becoming a plant.

Be careful to not become a tree while mid-jump or this happens. You never fall down. This looks all fun, but your roots won’t be able to draw water from the ground…

I still move fast and constantly shake because I’m a nervous fuck. But at least I’m trying and in the tree world, you get credit for that.

Trees never do anything, so if you try to do something you are exceptional. In the human world, this is not the case. Humans are hyperactive. They are always trying to do something. This is why only completed things are celebrated. If they lowered their standards to tree standards it would be a happier world.

I’ll update on my tree status in the foreseeable future. It’s doubtful that anything will change. In the tree world, change does not come quickly. That is unless humans come and start doing their hyperactive shit.


“Tree” Flickr photo by Martin Svedén shared under a Creative Commons (BY) license

“THERESA, MID AIR” Flickr photo by m01229 shared under a Creative Commons (BY) license


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