Are You Woke?

Gonna insult a lot of people today. That’s the plan. The problem is that I limit myself to 500 words and therefore can’t insult everyone a. As a result I will have to put some groups into one box. Fortunately, these people are all pretty much the same and therefore insulting them all at once is really simple.

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Dyson Airblade Is For Stupid Cunts

Ok let’s talk about things that don’t work. Today’s rant is the Dyson Airblade. It’s a fancy hand dryer often found in public toilets. There is a certain culture around these things… There are groups of people, entire communities and societies focused on talk

ing about these. In scientific terms the Airblade get all da tique pussy. You might be one of these people. I respect that, but I’m sorry, the Dyson airblade is a piece of shit and we should stop idolising it as soon as possible.

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The Library Types

It’s exam season and everyone is in the library. I’m part of everyone and so this post is being written on a £50 laptop I bought off Ebay and revived to be able to go the library. I don’t go because I’m more productive, I work fine at home. I generally just go because I want to be cool and the cool kids go to the library to revise.

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Foods That Don’t Matter

Generally there is an introduction where I try hard to develop some sort of narrative to lure you into clicking “read more”. The introductions are smart and occasionally witty. They are laced with my slick AF humour and inflated with false promises and guarantees. Writing introductions is almost like being a politician. You write until people vote for your post and read it. This translates into views that ultimately mean nothing, but your secretly insecure mind feels validated… temporarily…. Afterwards you realise that these views mean nothing and all joy fades to tears dust… I don’t have anything witty to tell you just now. Just click “read more” and we can start talking about how wrong the world is. TRIGGER WARNING.

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The Bar Problem

It’s been a little break. Now. Before you grab your shotguns (if you’re in the US) and pitchforks (if you’re in a sane country) I should point out that, Facebook-wise, I received far more likes over the period of me not writing… The only logical conclusion is that I’m funnier when I’m not trying, which sounds pretty sense-full…

It wouldn’t be a blog post if you weren’t going to gain something from reading it.Here is a guide on what snack you should buy. Specifically which chocolate bar.

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